Shannon (lifes_a_dance) wrote,

written last night since i dont have internet yet

i have a perfect view of the sun setting over the water every day, its so gorgeous to look out at it through huge windows every day...ive been living in my new place (key word being my) for about a week now and i have been sleeping on the couch the whole time because i like waking up to the sun coming in and being able to look out at the water, off to one side i can see downtown and the other, right over the tops of the trees across the street, the bay, i feel like its my own personal peephole to the ocean, like is there just for me, im all up int he trees here like swiss family robinson style, and i love it

i wish i had the money to get things to make my apt finished and decorated, so it actually looks lived in (although maybe if i finish unpacking that might help the problem) - but of course i have no money, none, i am afraid my card will soon be maxed out and that cant happen because i dont know how i would ever recover from that, i cant even aford to get the things i need, i mean i havent even bought food since i moved in and the food that i do have, like non perishables, does me no good since i cant cook anything since i dont have any pots or pans, i cant even have toast because i dont have a toaster, i mean i dont even have a frickin can opener! so i obviously havent been eating very well, which i know isnt of my managers felt so bad for me that she gave me a box of crackers and a package fo cookies...between dinner last night at nicks and breakfast today at erins i think i had the most balanced meals and most food i have had in i dont even know how long

spent the 4th at the daines house watching the daines family olympics or daines challange (im not sure which the official was) which i believe is the new annual event for which i was the scorekeeper, nick and his brothers competing in their ridiculous events was hilarious, my friends are just great, i love them all to death, part of me wishes i was living down there again so i could see them every day

i am lonely lately, not in the sence that i wish i had company over but more like ive got this little hole inside me, a hole that im not sure how to fill, im not sure how it needs to be filled, the mostwhole i seem to feel is when im aroud my friends from home, maybe thats because all of us together represent a time when everything was good and we were all happy, maybe its just filled by the people that care about seems that i have been going out and doing things more often lately and connecting with a wider range of people, some tht i havent see in too long, this is a good thing and keeps me busy and happy...maybe i just need somebody, well a boy specifically, i miss the comfort of arms around me, the way it feels to touch someone, to...and im at a loss for words i am just sent into a daydream...mmm...

nick isnt coming up here this month like he was going to, which in the back of my mind i knew that he wouldnt be but i cant say im still not disappointed because i was really excited i was going to get to see him, it would have been so nice to have him here, every time i see hime its better than the last and inbetween we just keep getting closer, i dont know when hes going to actually make it up here...i could always go down there to see hime but that does cost money that i dont have although i could charge it! when my bill is up this high whats a little more right? meh, last time we tried to plan the trip it didnt go so well, i guess well see, maybe ill try to go down before classes start up again in sept

here ive been sitting and writing all of these ramblings whe i was sapposed to be writing some poems for class tomarrow, but the problem is i dont know what to write about, they do give me these prompts and suggestions but its not really helping, the ones i wrote last week i didnt thin k were that great since i ddint know what the hell i was doing but then my teacher made a point of telling me twice that they were good and he liked them, which to start made me feel a lot better about this whole writing poems thing but now its almost harder because now i dont want the next ones to be worse, im not a fan of backward progression, ugh, i may be a writer but im thinking i may not be a poet, i cant just sit down a write one like an essay, i dont know where to begin, how do they just come out...everything i start to write down just sounds stupid and any idea i think of i dont know how to make it into a poem, i just want to write out a paragraph telling the story and now i have nothing to take to class tomarrow because ive been doing this instead, fabulous
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